• Posted by Cathy
  • 28 Jun 2009

I go to see my urologist on Wednesday. I’m looking forward to it so I can get some answers about some things. I need to know when we can do the next surgery. I would really like to have it done fairly soon. I would also like to get some answers about changing my meds and hopefully not become a zombie again! I feel zoned out a lot and I don’t like it that I can forget what I’m saying and don’t know why I’m going to a certain room for something, or just stop mid sentence and forget what I was saying. Those are the 2 most important things. I also need other questions answered about PT and things like that. But I am starting to feel closed in. I have people coming at me from all different corners it seems telling me I should do this or that, and I’m getting overwhelmed! I feel like I need some time away. I wish I could just go camping by myself or just have some time to myself and have some peace and just be. Maybe I will go buy a tent and just go camping for a weekend to have some me time. I could really use some of that right now. When I saw my pain doctor the last time, he suggested I see a psychiatrist, and I think that’s a good idea. I’m starting to be ready to talk to someone about my problems and just try and get some of these frustrations out! I would love to have an apartment of my own, I’ve always felt I was ok when I was by myself. I got lonely sometimes, but right now I really feel like I need some time to myself. I know it won’t happen this weekend it’s the 4th of July of course. I’m kind of jealous with all the people around me, going places, getting houses, and being able to live a normal life, while I’m here kind of stuck in a rut because of the pain. I don’t know, I just need things to change right now, I’m not sure if they will but I really, really need a change right now.

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  • Posted by Cathy
  • 20 Jun 2009

Well, it’s been six weeks that I’ve really been in this flare. I have ups and downs, it’s some ok days, and more really bad days. I see my urologist on the 1st. I still have to do some more research on the Indiana pouch, hopefully he’ll do it sooner rather then later. I have blisters all the time, and they hurt, and itch really bad!!! It’s really annoying. But we’ll see what he says. I have been thinking lately about what I had planned out for my life 10 years ago when I graduated high school. I was going to go to college, then get married, teach for awhile, have kids, and just have the happy white picket fence, 2 1/2 kids American Dream. But all of that has changed. And it’s ok, I’ve accepted it, and I’ll have a new plan for my life. I’m trying to figure out what it is. I’m doing everything I can to raise awareness, and it’s a lot different then what I planned but I can change my plans to adjust to my situation the God has given me. He won’t ever give me more then I can handle! So I’m working on changing my plans and still adjusting to my situation. I know I should have adjusted by now however, I get thrown something new everyday. So I’m adjusting, just a day by day and eventually I’ll be able to make plans for the future, I hope! But we’ll see what happens.

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