• Posted by Cathy
  • 04 Dec 2008

This recovery process is taking a lot more time than I had hoped. I have finally found a program that is working, but it has been 3 weeks now and I can’t do things like I could. Carrying and lifting things is becoming a huge struggle. I thought I was going to be able to go back to leading a semi-normal life. However, I feel helpless. I have to ask people at work to carry things up the stairs for me and I can’t even carry my own laundry basket up and down the stairs. My pain was so bad today I had to call my mom to come out and help me do it. This feeling of dependency on people is making me crazy. I like to be independent and do things on my own. This whole condition has changed my life so much. I don’t think I would recognize the old me, but I would like to health wise be back to that some days. My mom tells me I’ve been so strong through all of this, but I don’t feel like it. I feel helpless, vulnerable and just plain weak. Some days I don’t even move from my couch unless I’m getting something to eat or drink, or to go to the bathroom. The manufacturer told me that the continuous cycle would cause more fatigue. But I never knew it would be this bad! I hate driving home from work because I’m so exhausted I pray I make it home with out getting into a car accident. I think something might be wrong with the battery. I have been feeling pains all day at the incision site and where the wires stop. In between that is just pain. I tried turning the battery up and down all day to see what will feel the best. When it turns up higher, it hurts in my tailbone. But I don’t know what is causing the pain. It could be the extra work on Saturday and some food I ate. Guess I’ll find out pretty soon.

 

Written January 29, 2008

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